Recent Reflections

When I first started seriously writing in my blog I thought this could be a good way to let people know what I am up to. After about a month it appears that this is a good way to let Lindsay and Nate know what I am up to. Ah well.
So Steve and Jessica's wedding was very nice. I think outdoor weddings are the best, and the weather was perfect. Nate did a good summation of the event, so check his blog for details.
It is interesting the swing I've been on. A few weeks ago when I left Mentor I was incredibly blessed and felt like I was important to people and they actually liked having me around. Since then I have gone totally the opposite way and have felt disconnected and sad. Part of it is working in a new place where I don't know anyone and I can't really talk to people much. But the other part is the continual struggle I have in myself. The thing I dislike most about myself is that I often feel I can't talk to people. It's not that I don't want to talk, I just feel like I have a mental block and I don't know what to say. I have in me this desire to be well liked by people and want people to enjoy talking to me. But when it comes to actually talking I just don't know what to say. This usually comes off with other people thinking I am shy or snobby. The latter is the worst part because it makes it even more difficult to talk to people.
I know I keep a shell around myself and don't let people in. I have been trying to get past that and have had some success, but it is still a difficulty. And I don't know why it is there. I look around at other people and envy the closeness they have with friends. It is difficult for me to have that closeness even with family.
Well I'm not sure why I am saying all this on the internet. I guess I just need to get it out. Hey look it's Corey and Wendy! Bunz is showing his true feelings for weddings.


*Have you ever used blogger's spellcheck? Apparently Nate should be NATO and Jessica should be cheesecake. Done and done.